Losing weight while not losing weight!

http://www.modernweightlosstips.com/weight-loss-methods/how-to-lose-weight-in-2013-12-323/

* History of my body image

My issue with body image has always been there since I was around 14 years old. Funny thing is when I was young, (meaning before 14) I used to hate eating so much so that my parents were always devising ways to make me eat more. My grandma would put a number on each side dish and make a game for me to eat them. My mom would stack up whole lot snacks just to get me eating. Ironically I rarely touched them because I couldn't be bothered to get up from the sofa to bring the snacks. (Believe it or NOT!) Naturally I was so thin that people called me cosmos, the flower. Well, gone are the days.. ;(

The fascinating part is I can clearly remember the day when my appetite emerged out of nowhere. (My mom mentioned that could have been due to the effect of chinese medicine which was designed to do exactly that) I was starting my 5th grade and all of a sudden, I began my love of food. Everything became delicious!

* Diet as Second nature

So following the due course, and especially with my mom's constant bickering that the beautiful life of young girl would only start when I become thin, going on a diet has become my second nature. Frankly speaking, I have never been fat or obese. Just around normal to slightly chubbiest range. Nevertheless, I was never really satisfied with my body image. Maybe I had distorted body image and probably, I still do to a certain extent. 

Hence, just like other girls around me, I would engage in various diet schedules. I would jog around house at night, do yoga in the morning, watch diet videos such as Claudia Schiffer's crazy workout video, etc. Decreasing the food intake was a must. Nothing would work without this last part. So I would eat two meals per day, and for dinner just three boiled sweet potatoes or microwaved cabbage. Looking back, I must have been pretty desperate. 

The thing was because I was near the ideal, I was more impatient. I just wanted to lose 5kg, and I thought just short-term temporary suffering would result in that much desired quick fix. But this rigorous, or sometimes, not even rigorous schedule will all falter either with one day just feeling so tired and disgusted (beyond the level of sick) about getting up to go jogging, or with the upcoming exam. Chocolate would be a treat for a hardworking self just a way too often a day. That round of diet would end, only for the next (vain) one to begin within a couple of months.

* Satisfaction

Breakthrough came when I met my current bf. I feel slightly shy talking about it, but I would definitely count it as one of the best blessings I've ever received in my life. He accepted everything about me. When I said everything, I meant everything: my cute, lovely self, my lazy self, and even my mean and selfish self that I have never shown to other people, not even my own family. Without using words, he showed me appearance could do only so much. Since his unconditional (or maybe conditional, who knows!) acceptance of myself, I slowly began to love myself the way I am. Of course, there were still ugly sides of me, but despite those humane flaws, I didn't want to trade my life for anyone else's. (More accurately, perhaps, stopped wanting) Since then, I stopped being stressed over my body image, and somehow, although I'm not sure if this is related to the advent of bf, I began to be more obsessed with healthy food. It felt good to eat healthy food because I loved myself, because I cared about myself. Anyways, I've never really enjoyed those fat dripping junks. Not my style. 

* Insomnia

Insomnia, that waxed and waned, has been a part of my life since I became a high schooler. Sometimes, over a few days, I would sleep at 9am when my eyes were just too tired to remain open. I hated having insomnia. It sucked. It felt so unhealthy, self-destructive. I was also fully aware that all the good hormones (especially weight-losing hormone!!) were released during sleep around 11am. It felt terrible to miss out all those freebies. Then, my bf told me yoga might help with sleeping. I didn't particularly want to move my body out of bed, but one day, when insomnia was unbearable and I had early morning schedule, I thought 'what would I lose, let's give it a try'. I used to do Ok Juhyun's one hour yoga video before, and I didn't enjoy it. I was always wishing it would end soon. But this time, since it wasn't like I was losing weight, or something, so I took it lightly and just followed the yoga sequence in my own pace- fast pace. I will do a posture and the moment it gets tiring, I'll just stop. After that, I had a good night's sleep. So doing yoga before I sleep became my evening ritual. Because it wasn't that hard, I could sustain this activity with ease. 

* Result

It was just unbelievable. After 4 months, I went back home for holiday, and family members and neighbors who saw me were all saying I became thinner and that my face became obviously less chubby. I was thinking it was all out of their courtesy to compliment me without meaning it, because I myself didn't see that much change. But when I went on the scale, I temporarily thought the scale was broken. I had suddenly lost 3-4kg! It was so so hard to lose even just a couple of kilograms when I was consciously on diet, and I was only wishing, oh, how nice would it be if the scale hand would go over just a bit to the left side. And it was happening!

* Lessons

http://www.earthtimes.org/health/mediterranean-diet-tests-prove-health-benefits/1633/

1. I realized that for one, stress and impatience is the enemy of losing weight. During the time I lost weight, I never ever looked at the scale because I was not interested and was not anticipating anything. Anyways, I didn't even own one. But apart from the stress of losing weight, I was also not particularly stressed about anything. I let go of the academic stress, not really of interpersonal stress, or anything. I was happy most of the days!

2. Another important factor I think was the continuation of exercise part. (If you'd call yoga 'exercise'..!) Because I didn't hate yoga, in fact, I loved the feeling of being more flexible, I was voluntarily getting the yoga mat out to do it with some nice music. It wasn't a chore for me, so I could do it everyday with joy. It was such an important learning point because I realized why I had failed numerous times before: I hated doing the exercise I was doing. Thus, the right way to go is to find an exercise that you truly enjoy. It doesn't have to be a vigorous one like basketball or even swimming. Just simple things that you can do everyday without forcing yourself.

3. Lastly, and most importantly, (though this may sound cliche) love yourself! For me, one effect of just being able to truly accept myself as the person I am, and wanting to make the best out of me, switching to healthy food choices was natural. I didn't want to destroy my body with food oozing out oil all over. Eating more vegetable and fruits with much less junks, manufactured food, and meat definitely helped. Thankfully, we were also cooking at home, and we were eating most of the time at home, so we could use healthy oil, healthy ingredients and low fat cooking style. On this, I wholeheartedly thank my bf for his awesome cooking skills!

All in all, I think I was lucky enough for all these components to have coincided in the single period. However, even though I have lost weight, mission complete, unlike last time, I am not going to stop this regime. What I truly wish is that this would just be part of my life. Nothing major, or anything, but something that makes me feel good everyday to follow. :)